How I Deal With Stress

Stress is part of life. As difficult as that might be to swallow, it is one of those uncontested truths. A truth that has taken me years to accept. Mostly because I’ve always craved a routine in my life and felt that if you’re organized and plan ahead accordingly, there is no need to find yourself feeling panicked at the end to get the job done or meet a deadline. There is no job or situation that doesn’t have a solution. There is always something that you can do. And that is what I believe.

But having said that, I’ve also realized over the years that no matter how organized you are, how many to do lists you use to prioritize, how efficiently you utilize your time, there are always some unforeseen circumstances that create a stressful situation. I’ve worked in many different environments from small college jobs on campus to large corporate offices in a big city to now being a full-time, stay-at-home mom.  And stress has never fully left my life.

The hardest part I’ve realized, is recognizing when you need to take a step back. We live in a society that is so focused on visible progress and instant results, that we’re afraid to step away for just a moment. We end up running ourselves so far into the ground that we’re left feeling there is no way out. I’ve been there. It is a dark place filled with fears and anxiety. You start feeling that in order to get out, you need to make a big change, the kind of change that is usually not possible. You can’t quit your job, you can’t tell your boss off, you can’t avoid your family, you can’t give up on your kids. You feel stuck.

I used to think that relaxing was a big deal. It meant rest and relaxation at a fancy spa where you needed to make an appointment six weeks in advance. Or that in order to fully relax, I needed the house completely to myself. I needed all these things that are often times not possible. But the saying goes, you live and learn. What I have learned is that it is the smallest changes you make consistently over time that add up to that big change, that big push you need to get out of the darkness. You don’t need to go to a fancy spa, or take an expensive vacation (although, let’s be honest I would not say NO to that) or spend money on material things that provide you with instant gratification. You need a shift in attitude. You need a conscious realization that you’re in control of your own life and you write your own chapters. It is okay to take care of yourself. It’s just like when you’re on a plane and you watch the safety video the crew prepared. They tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You need to do that before you can help others. And the same goes for your life and the situations you’re confronted with. You need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of your family, your job, your responsibilities.

Nowadays I try to create my own escape within the four walls of my home. Whenever I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I retreat to a corner of my bedroom by a big window. I look out the window and think about this big, big world we live in. I think about how minute my problems must be and how a year from now, my problems and stresses will be far behind me. I might not even remember them. I start thinking about all the things that I’m grateful for in this life. Some days the list is short, but I always find something that I am grateful for. And so I start gaining perspective. I light up my favorite candle, Jo Malone Wild Fig & Cassis, a splurge nonetheless, but something I cherish and save for special occasions. The warm scent fills up my home and brings back memories of happy times. I begin to feel uplifted. I pull out my yoga matt and sit in silence for a few minutes. And that’s not easy. I sit there with thoughts racing through my head and my heart beating out of my chest. I try to steady my breath. Breathe in and breathe out. Definitely not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes I have to say the words “breathing in” and “breathing out” out loud in order to relax my mind. I sit, I listen and I breathe. I’m slowly able to remove my mind from the reality of my problems and allow my mind to reach a place of calm and serenity.

I go and make myself a cup of tea. There is something so soothing and relaxing about sipping on a warm cup of tea. It’s as if tea makes everything perfect again. I regain some of my energy levels. I don’t feel as if my problems are on top of me anymore. I remember something I read about in Viktor Frankl’s memoir Man’s Search for Meaning: our greatest freedom is the freedom to choose our attitude. You cannot always control a situation, but you can control how you react to it.